The guy with cancer comes home...
Hello friends,

The house is dark (about 2:30 a.m.) and unfortunately, so are my thoughts. I've been plagued by SEVERE abdominal cramping that has been going on since Thursday. EXTREMELY painful to the point of tears. I was warned about the cramps, especially the first few weeks after starting to eat real food, but I had NO idea they could be this bad. I simply cannot function when they hit. Truth be told, I'm a piss-ant sick person. I hate being 'disabled' in any capacity. I only hope that Dr. York has some suggestions tomorrow that will help with this abdominal pain. It sucks.

Coming home was brilliant though. Little Ella literally squealed when she saw me. She's SUCH a sweetheart. She comes to me constantly to tell me she loves me or that she's happy I'm home. Finn's been amazingly sweet as well. Every time I wince in pain, he's right there to ask if I'm OK or if he can do anything for his old man. Finn and I were walking the property yesterday looking at our plants...it's something we like to do together. We look at the fig trees, the banana trees, the bromeliads...he's very smart and inquisitive. As we were walking, he said, "Dada, I hope I don't get cancer like you and Aunt Sonja. I didn't want you to get cancer." Talk about a tear jerker...I have tears in my eyes just typing this. He's VERY aware of what's going on.

The parade on Saturday was magic. Luckily, my cramps subsided for a few hours to allow me to participate. Amy and the kids rode with me in the horse drawn buggy. The whole town was there cheering and waving. It was a beautiful thing after so many weeks away in the hospital. Amy and the kids threw out about 30 pounds of candy (no joke) and we probably could've used about 20 pounds more! After the parade came one hug after another. My friends Brad and Marius were there as well. There's no way to say it without sounding like a sap, but I do love my friends and I'm very blessed to have so many good ones.

This morning we went to the marble festival to check out the crafts and let the kids play a bit. This is the first year in about 13 or so years that Amy and I didn't have a booth selling my father's marble creations. There's just no way I could've done it this year. Anyway, as we were walking several people stopped to talk to me, all of them very supportive. As we were walking, we passed two smiling ladies. As they walked by, one turned to the other and said, "That's that guy with cancer." Yikes. I'm used to being called so many things...that guy from the Woodbridge Inn, that guy from the Food Network, that guy that does the local news on ETC3 (or used to), or even that guy who looks like Morrissey...but now I guess I'm that guy with cancer. Obviously I'm not letting my illness define me, but it is very strange to hear that. I don't want cancer to be my claim to fame or be the label on my forehead.

Amy is upstairs sleeping like a baby. She's exhausted, and rightfully so. She's such and amazing caregiver and is constantly trying to make my life more comfortable...filling up the hot water bottle, adjusting my pillows, getting me water...anything. She's amazing...

I suppose I should attempt to sleep, though I've come to dread the night. I spend so many hours with such horrible cramps that sleep only happens in short bursts. Hopefully I can get some kind of prescription to help me get through these first few weeks.

Sorry to ramble...best wishes to everyone. Despite my current piss-ant mood, I am so VERY happy to be home.

Hans