Anti-bio
First off, I hope everyone had a fantastic holiday and you're making crazy plans for New Years. Our holiday was very nice and our New Year's eve will be boring, but that's perfectly fine with me.

A few years ago (probably right around the time Sonja was diagnosed with cancer), I read one of Dr. Andrew Weil's books...probably 8 Weeks to Optimum Health. Very interesting book, in particular the section on anti-biotics. I've been scared of them ever since. If you think about it, the term anti-biotic means "against life". Of course, the aim in prescribing these anti life drugs is to combat the foreign bodies that have invaded your system. But, anti-biotics cannot differentiate between good life and bad life. Those drugs always mess up my entire system and until recently, I've refused them for whatever ailed me unless what ailed me was pretty severe. I've had more anti-biotics pumped through me this year (just the last 6 months really) than I've had in me in the last 10 years combined. I appreciate what they're trying to do, but the long list of side effects that each variety sports invariably latch on to me like there was some reward for making me sick. I'm just coming off of a 12 day cycle of Levaquin and I've really had a tough time of it. I've been extremely dizzy, had no energy, had severe abdominal pains, etc. I'm taking (and have been taking) pro-biotics such as acidophilous to try and reestablish my system's microorganisms, but so far it hasn't helped. The infection in my back has cleared up for the most part, but it did so at the expense of my overall feeling of wellness. My dad's having to take Levaquin at the moment for an infection in his foot and I'm sad to say that he's having a rough time of things as well. Is it really worth it?

I've yet to refrain from sharing my experiences with this illness, no matter how gross the subject matter, and I'm not going to stop now...so...GROSS OUT ALERT. If you're easily grossed out, skip ahead now. I've been having some pretty bad gagging episodes, usually in the morning or after I've just eaten a bit too much. I seems like food somehow gets trapped in my esophagus and can stay there sometimes for hours before it decides to simply come back up. It's not throwing up, because there's no stomach acid involved. It is just as uncomfortable as throwing up though. I'm usually relieved a bit though to get it out of me, no matter how gross it may be. The pressure of gagging is usually so intense that it makes my nose bleed, brings tears to my eyes, and pops out every vein in my forehead. It's a horrible experience. BUT, what's even worse is the fact that the taste of whatever I gagged up stays with me for HOURS...sometimes days. It's not a taste that stays right there in your mouth, but every time I cough it's there again. We went to Whole Foods a week or so ago and I sampled a cube of cave aged gruyere cheese. Just ONE cube (amazingly good cheese!). Two days later I had a gagging fit and all I could taste was that damned cheese. It didn't taste bad or old...in fact, it tasted as if I'd JUST swallowed the cube 15 seconds earlier. So, while the whole taste thing does sound really nasty, it doesn't taste old or rank. Very strange...don't know why I felt like I needed to share that, but maybe it'll make sense to someone out there who's been through an esophajectomy.

I head back to Houston on the 4th to figure out this whole esophagus leak situation. I'm optimistic that it's healed on its own, but I've not really been overly lucky with this leak thing thus far. If it is leaking, I'm afraid that may mean more surgery or more tubes. This last tube honestly set me back 3 weeks. Easily. I was feeling like I was on the mend before that last trip and came back feeling like dirt...painful dirt. I still have really bad pain where that damn tube was and I just got a bill for $3800 from the hospital for yanking the thing out.

OK...enough of my groaning. I've really had a tough couple of weeks and it's pissed me off to a large degree. It's hard to be positive and productive sometimes when you just don't feel good.

Here's hoping for a fantastic '06 for all of you and maybe me too! Best wishes to you all,

Hans