Chemo free weekend...
After finishing my 8th radiation treatment today, I went for my standing Friday appointment to have my chemo pump removed. The thing only weighs about a pound and a half, but it's a huge weight removed when I'm free of it. Of course they'll pop it back on me on Monday, but being free most of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday is a real treat. I will still be tethered to my feeding tube at night, but I sleep better with fewer tubes attached. Cool beans.

The radiation has been making me sick, though not really queasy. It's more of a strange burning sensation that makes my whole gut feel rough. I'm hoping that my weekend reprieve from the stuff will give me a break from that sensation. It literally zaps my appetite. It's very hard for me to think about food, and that's totally alien to me. I don't know what I want to eat (or really CAN eat) until I see it. And immediately after eating, I just can't stand to think about anything edible. Not even a mint. I know it's all temporary, but it's strange to have spent your whole life thinking about food to simply not being able to tolerate the thought of it.

My cousin in Germany and his girlfriend (should be wife)sent a wonderful care package to the house yesterday filled with German candies, a cookbook, and some other goodies. They sent along 2 bags of the original Haribo gummi bears. My Oma used to send packages to my sister and I when we were children, and seeing that gold foil package of the bears brought back those memories. My sister Sonja would fight me for the candy...she was a SERIOUS candy consumer, imported or otherwise. She always had some Spree hidden in her car or in her purse. I've yet to encounter another sweet tooth like Sonja's.

For those of you who didn't know Sonja, she lost her struggle with breast cancer last year. I think about Sonja every day...not in a cancer way...but things like her love of candy, her near clinical ability to contract car fever (and then share it with me...she must've owned 15 different cars in her short life), her razor sharp wit, etc. I do wish I could share my cancer experiences with her and more importantly learn from hers. She was very secretive about her disease and the idea of a live journal like this one would not sit well with her. Then again, it may just have been the perfect tool for her to open up about her struggles with the disease. Hmm...I think I'm craving some candy now. Thanks Sonja...I need the calories!

I also received a nice care package from Dan and Steve at the Food Network. They even sent me some Hominy!

I've received so many cards and gifts and simple notes (electronically or on paper)...I cannot thank you all enough. I try and keep things up and cheery, but as you must know, there are days when I simply hurt...days when I wish that I could wish it all away...days when I can't really remember being un-sick. The cards and well wishes help SO much with those floundering thoughts or those cloudy moods. Thank you thank you thank you.

Time to unwind. If my health allows, I'm going to take the family to see the Corpse Bride tomorrow. The whole family has been looking forward to it...we're huge Nightmare Before Christmas fans and the kids can't wait to see this film. We did manage to see the new Wallace and Grommit film last week...it's freakin' brilliant! HIGHLY recommended.

Best wishes to you all...

Hans